A good start for your baby: folic acid, vitamins, calcium and iron

img — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:17:34 -0500

Have you ever noticed how plants behave when they have good soil and are well- fertilized? What happens to the seeds and the soil is very similar to what happens in pregnancy with your body and with your baby before, during and after giving birth. There are a series of nutrients, vitamins and minerals that are important in order to give your baby a good head start.

Get everything ready from the start

A healthy pregnancy really starts before conceiving. Doctors recommend taking folic acid if you are planning to have a baby because studies show that low levels of this vitamin may cause defects in the baby’s spine. Folic acid is found mainly in green vegetables, whole grains and also in fortified breakfast cereals. In its natural state – as found mainly in green vegetables, legumes etc…- folic acid is called folate.

The recommended daily allowance of folic acid, before pregnancy, is of 400 micrograms (0.4 milligrams). You will find folic acid tablets in your local drugstore. Compare labels to check the content of folic acid in different brands.

In addition to sticking to a well balanced diet you should start taking prenatal vitamins: besides feeling better, you will be giving your baby the best welcome: a healthy environment with the essential nutrients.

Prenatal vitamins to ensure proper nutrition

The best way to get the necessary vitamins for a healthy pregnancy is through your diet. Vitamins are absorbed better in their natural form: in fresh fruits, vegetables, legumes, grains, cereals and other foods. However, because of the busy lives we lead it’s not always possible to stick to the healthy diet most of us would like to have. Many moms-to-be suffer from nausea and morning sickness during the first months of their pregnancy, which keeps them from eating the healthy foods they need. This is when taking a prenatal vitamin is more effective; because it helps you get the necessary vitamins, when you can’t get them through natural products.

Vitamins are necessary for the baby’s growth and the optimum development of its skeleton, nervous system, circulatory system and tissues.

Iron to prevent exhaustion

In addition to vitamins, minerals are also very important for your and your baby’s well-being during pregnancy. One of the most dramatic changes during pregnancy is the increase in blood volume. Blood carries oxygen to the cells in your body and, in this case, also to your baby’s cells through the umbilical cord. Red blood cells are responsible for carrying this oxygen and need iron to reproduce. If there is an iron deficiency, you will feel tired or exhaused because there isn’t enough oxygen going around. When the blood volume increases, there is sometimes not enough iron to create all the red cells required and you may become anemic. That’s why during pregnancy you are tested often for iron levels in the blood.

Strong bones thanks to calcium.

Calcium is necessary for the development of the baby’s bones and teeth. It’s so important that, if the baby doesn’t get it from outside sources, it will take it from your bones. This is why it's one of the minerals that must always be present in the diet of an expectant mom. Calcium cannot only be found in milk and dairy products, but also in green vegetables, sardines or canned salmon among other foods. Sometimes it’s not possible to obtain all the calcium you need from your diet and your doctor might make sure you get enough by prescribing a calcium supplement. Remember to include calcium-rich foods in your meals daily. Your bones will be the stronger for it!

Take vitamins and minerals with caution.

In this case, more is not better. Taking vitamins in excess or “megavitamins” is not a good idea during pregnancy. Excess vitamins may cause birth defects. You must be especially careful with an excess of vitamin A.

You should always ask your doctor what type of prenatal vitamins you need to take. He might prescribe vitamin supplements. But if you are going to buy over the counter prenatal vitamins in your local drugstore, check the label to make sure they are safe to take during pregnancy and show them to your doctor.

Changes during pregnancy

img — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 11:20:29 -0500

Now that you are pregnant, you are experiencing one of the most intense and exciting adventures in a woman’s life: creating another being inside your own body! Pregnancy and childbirth cause a series of significant physical and emotional changes that you should prepare yourself for and accept as a natural process.

Physical changes

In order for your baby to thrive, your uterus has to be in optimum condition for the baby’s growth. Your body is able to create this ideal environment by liberating hormones that are conducive to physiological changes. But the level of these hormones, especially in the first few months, is rather high, and that can cause a series of physical sensations and changes that are sometimes uncomfortable, such as morning sickness. In our "changes during pregnancy" section you will find a list of the most common symptoms during these months and tips for alleviating them.

For unknown reasons, some women do not suffer through these changes as much (although their pregnancies usually have the same happy ending as those of women who do suffer from the more severe side-effects of pregnancy).

Emotional changes

The hormones you now release are affecting your emotions, although the degree to which this happens is not the same in all women. Some women may only feel irritable or sensitive, similar to when experiencing PMS. However, this surge of hormone levels may cause emotions to run haywire in other cases: one minute you are happy to be pregnant, and the next you may be in tears or just plain irritable. Also, situations that didn’t bother you before may now trigger an unexpected crying jag.

All this is within the range of normalcy. But if you are in fact emotionally out of control, or if you feel constantly depressed and don’t feel like you can overcome that, you should see your doctor. Sometimes, these changes can alter the brain chemistry to the point of causing depression.

The blues are sometimes difficult to talk about. Our culture highly values motherhood and many people don’t understand how a woman who is about to fulfill her dream of being a mother can have those feelings of sadness and desperation. Tell your doctor. There are treatments that can help you overcome this. And above all, keep in mind that you are not at fault for feeling this way.

A new stage in life

Besides the changes caused by pregnancy hormones, there are other issues that may cause doubt and distress: the fact that you are about to be a mom could cause you to question your parenting abilities. You may be asking yourself if you will be capable of caring for your newborn and if it is your second child, if you will be able to deal with rearing two children.

These thoughts probably also plague the other parent. It is common for the father-to-be to ask himself if he will be capable of supporting the new family, and whether he’ll be a good dad.

In short, you are facing winds of change. Many of them, such as physical changes, are inevitable. In order to deal with the discomforts of pregnancy, you should do your best to understand that it is the normal course of things and that in the end you will receive the best reward: your baby.

Illnesses during pregnancy

img — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 11:26:27 -0500

Becoming ill is not pleasant, and depending on the type of illness, it could cause discomfort and uncertainty in the patient, she does not exactly know what the consequences may be. But if the illness happens during pregnancy, the concern about its effects on the baby’s development can create a lot of anxiety in the moms-to-be.

Illnesses during pregnancy

There are some illnesses that are known for being “silent”, since they don’t cause symptoms and they could be present even before the pregnancy. If these illnesses are not properly treated, they could affect the baby’s development or the evolution of the pregnancy.

The ideal scenario would be to have a check-up before conception, in order to better prepare for the pregnancy. However, this is not always possible. But in the analyses and the tests that are carried out during prenatal visits, some of these illnesses could be detected and treatment be initiated. That is why it is important to request a prenatal appointment as soon as you know that you are pregnant.

Two of the most common illnesses in Latinas, which are not detected before pregnancy, are diabetes and hypertension. Fortunately, you could have a normal pregnancy with the proper treatment.

Infectious diseases during pregnancy

Infectious diseases are caused by viruses and bacteria that enter our bodies and are usually of utmost concern for the moms-to-be, because of the possible effects on the baby. Not all infectious illnesses are dangerous for the pregnancy. A cold with no other complications is of no further importance. However, the flu or influenza with high fevers, is something the doctor must monitor. Following is a list of the infectious illnesses you must keep an eye on during your pregnancy.

Rubella. This infection is caused by a virus. It is not a serious disease, but it may cause birth defects. It shows as a pinkish rash with low-grade fever. The danger for the baby’s development is greater if the infection takes place during the first trimester. If it happens during the third trimester, it is very rare that the baby would have any side-effects.

Varicella. It is one of the most common illnesses in children and very easily contagious. In general, most pregnant women have had varicella or chicken pox in their childhood, because it is so common. If the mom-to-be becomes infected during pregnancy, it is rare for the baby to catch it. Varicella shows as a rash with little liquid-filled bumps.

Fifth disease. There is a risk of miscarriage if you contract this illness during pregnancy. It is not severe but it is quite common amongst children. If you work with children, avoid contact with those who have been infected.

Tuberculosis. Although it is a common illness, tuberculosis does not cause malformations in the fetus and contagion is rare. This illness is passed on through the respiratory system, but to become infected, you have to be living in close quarters with the ill person, for a very long time.

Cytomegalovirus. It is rare for pregnant women to become infected with this. It is very common in young day-care aged children, but it is usually inconsequential.

Hepatitis. There are several types of hepatitis, generally due to a virus that attacks the liver. Although it may be transmitted to the baby during pregnancy and after birth, it may be successfully treated.

STDs. Some of them, such as HIV, Chlamydia, or gonorrhea may be passed on to the baby during the delivery. That is why tests are done before the delivery, to rule them out and to treat them if present. Vaginal herpes is an illness that can also cause severe problems in your baby if it is passed on when it goes through the birth canal. For that reason, if the herpes is active during delivery, a C-section is usually performed.

Pregnancy-related illnesses

Some illnesses arise as a consequence of the pregnancy itself. For example, gestational diabetes appears as a consequence of the action of pregnancy hormones on insulin. Preeclampsia is another illness that only appears during pregnancy and immediate intervention is required.

Prenatal visits are essential in order to prevent and successfully treat these conditions that may arise during pregnancy.

What to expect at a prenatal appointment

img — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 11:29:08 -0500

Even if you felt just great before your pregnancy and even if you still feel fine now that you’re pregnant, there are certain conditions that do not show symptoms until they are rather advanced: illnesses that, on the other hand affect us Latinas especially, such as gestational diabetes. Thanks to prenatal visits, your doctor may detect whether there is a problem and give you appropriate treatment.

From the beginning

If you are not yet pregnant, a visit to the doctor is in order. The doctor will make sure everything is fine and will prescribe folic acid and prenatal vitamins so you can prepare your body for pregnancy. However, if you didn’t see your doctor before getting pregnant, it’s never too late to request a prenatal visit.

Once your home pregnancy test is positive, you can make an appointment for your first prenatal visit, because they will probably schedule it for a few weeks down the road. In general, the first prenatal visit is usually longer than the others and they may not have such a big time slot available as soon as you would like.

Medical history

Depending on the type of practice your doctor has, he or she will probably see you in his or her usual room, where patients are assessed, or you will be taken directly to an examination room. The nurse may ask you to undress and wear a smock while you wait for the doctor. Doctors may have several similar rooms, where they see their patients separately, in order to save time. It doesn’t matter where you are seen, because the questions and tests will be the same in any case.

One of the first things your doctor will ask is when you had your last menstrual period. With that date in mind, the doctor can calculate how many more weeks of pregnancy you have ahead of you and then contrast this data with the ultrasound you will get later on.

Besides asking you about your period, your doctor will want to know if this is your first pregnancy or if you have had a previous miscarriage or abortion. She will also ask if you’ve had a serious medical condition in the past, especially diabetes or hypertension: two of the illnesses that most affect us and that may have adverse effects on pregnancy.

Another important question is if any person in your family was born with a genetic anomaly, in order to determine whether it is advisable to carry out certain genetic testing, in order to rule out the possibility of your baby having that condition. She will also make a note of whether you are taking any medication, if you smoke, drink, or carry out any other activities that could be harmful during pregnancy.

Urine, blood pressure and weight

Before or after your doctor sees you, she will ask you to urinate in a cup and will also measure your blood pressure and weigh you. These tests enable the doctor to rule out infections or the presence of sugar or protein in your urine. You will be weighed in order to have a point of reference and monitor your weight gain as the weeks go by. These controls will be repeated in every doctor visit from now on.

Internal exam

After discussing all these matters with you, the doctor will carry out an internal exam in order to check your cervix. During pregnancy, the cervix is closed and sealed, and your doctor may see this by using a speculum, a device that is used to open the vagina and see the interior clearly.

The doctor will also take a sample of the cells that line the cervix to request a Pap smear, to make sure your cells are normal. The Pap smear will also determine if there are any STDs (sexually transmitted diseases) present, such as gonorrhea or Chlamydia. If your doctor doesn’t carry out theses tests in her practice, she will send you to a place where these samples can be taken.

Blood tests

Lastly, the doctor will request complete blood work, in which – besides confirming your pregnancy- she will establish whether you suffer from or have suffered from any other illnesses. Your blood tests will determine whether you have had, amongst other conditions, rubella, HIV or syphilis. Besides, the test will also determine your RH factor and type. If your RH is negative and your baby’s is positive, there could be an adverse reaction in your blood that would affect your baby.

If your doctor thinks it is necessary because of your medical history, she will also request to know the glucose levels in your blood, to rule out diabetes. If you were to have diabetes, you may be able to undergo treatment to control the condition. Gestational diabetes is diabetes that is specific of pregnancy, and that could have the onset later on, but that a lot of Hispanic women suffer from.

Ultrasound or sonogram

In the event that your doctor has a sonogram or ultrasound machine in her practice, you may undergo an ultrasound in this first visit (if it isn’t much too early in the pregnancy). If she doesn’t have this device, she will refer you somewhere else to have the ultrasound done. The baby’s heartbeat cannot be detected until a few weeks into the pregnancy.

Vitamins and next appointment

If you are not yet taking folic acid and vitamins, the doctor will prescribe them for you. Before leaving your doctor’s office, don’t forget to schedule your next appointment, as you will have to visit the doctor every month, and your visits will be more and more frequent in the last months.

Benefits of Physical Activity During Pregnancy

img — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 11:34:52 -0500

Exercise is very beneficial for our health, especially because of the sedentary lifestyle common to most of us and that causes problems such as obesity and backaches due to poor posture when sitting at the office, amongst other things. During pregnancy, all these normal discomforts of everyday life could be worsened by the changes that pregnancy causes in your body. Exercise can be very beneficial when it comes to alleviating all these discomforts, but certain precautions must be taken.

Appropriate exercise during pregnancy

Gone are the days when it was thought that an expectant woman should avoid any strenuous activity, eat for two and rest as much as possible. Unless your doctor has specifically told you to rest during your pregnancy due to a specific problem, exercise can provide a lot of benefits during this time.

However, you should take certain precautions, as not all exercises are recommended during pregnancy. Contact sports or those that put the mother at a risk for falls are not suggested, unless you are a professional athlete, and even then you should be very careful.

Moderate but regular exercise, especially if you already practiced it before you conceived, will provide you with many benefits.

To counteract the discomforts of pregnancy: exercise

Exercising moderately during pregnancy will help you to alleviate the discomforts that are a part of pregnancy and which you can do very little about, because they are a part of the process your body must undergo in order to adapt to the baby’s growth inside of you.

One of the effects of pregnancy hormones is that they relax the tissues. This means you could have backaches due to your current posture and weak muscles. Another effect of pregnancy is the changes in your circulatory system, as the blood volume increases considerably during this period. Swelling of legs and feet is something practically inevitable. There are also changes in your breathing, due to the pressure your baby exerts on your lungs as it grows. And of course, the feeling of tiredness or fatigue that can be a part of the whole pregnancy.

Some of these discomforts could make you feel rather bad, and possibly, if your legs are swollen or you feel exhausted, the last thing you may feel like doing is to walk. But even if you must force yourself to get yourself out of the house to take a walk or go for a swim you’ll see how much better you feel after exercising, especially if you do it regularly.

When you exercise, the heart pumps more blood and that makes your circulatory system work more efficiently, despite the bigger blood-volume and the fact that your veins are more relaxed. On the other hand, exercise helps move your intestines, thus improving constipation, which is very common in the last months of pregnancy.

The best way to prepare for delivery: exercise

Delivery is an event that will require all of your strength. On the one hand, part of the effort during delivery involves a series of muscular contractions in your uterus and the capacity to undergo stress and to relax makes it easier. On the other hand, during the expulsion phase, you will need to push hard for your baby to be born.

Even if you are going to have a C-section you will need to be in good shape, because the rate at which you recover after delivery is directly related with your physical shape you’re in. Mothers who exercised in one of their pregnancies but not in another report that they felt a big difference and well-being in the pregnancy in which they exercised.

Some physical exercises will specifically help you to prepare for delivery. Kegel exercises are especially recommended to strengthen the pelvic floor.

In short, exercise (following your doctor’s recommendations and taking some precautions) is one of the best tools available, both to help alleviate the inevitable discomfort during pregnancy, and to make recovery a lot easer for you when you deliver the baby.

Work-related suggestions

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For many of us, taking time off work during pregnancy is not an option. Sometimes you work until the last possible minute in your pregnancy, to later be able to spend as much time as you can with your baby.

Your type of work

Your type of job will influence how you feel during pregnancy. There are jobs that require more of a physical effort, or long hours standing, others doing repetitive work. This might be difficult to endure during the first months of pregnancy, when exhaustion is common, and also in the last months when the size of your belly causes other problems like swelling of the legs.

You should also determine if you are doing a job that is a health risk for the development of your pregnancy because of the types of chemicals you handle or possible infections you might be exposed to. But with the exception of dangerous jobs, that will require you to do another activity during these months, there are ways in which you can alleviate the discomfort related to clerical or retail jobs.

Tips to help you endure discomfort at work

During pregnancy you develop a number of symptoms that may be more uncomfortable, depending on your type of job. For example, if you have a backache and are standing for long hours because you are in retail sales, the pain will get worse. If your legs tend to swell, spending long hours sitting at a desk will make the problem worse. If due to the effects of your pregnancy you have carpal tunnel syndrome, sitting in front of a computer is not going to help your problem.

Although you will probably have to bear some discomfort during pregnancy (whether you work or not), taking some precautions will help lessen the discomfort.

If you work sitting at a desk, stand up every 20 minutes and walk around the office. Go see a co-worker in stead of sending her an e-mail, go to the water fountain to drink or simply walk around. It’s important to improve blood circulation in your legs now that your blood volume has increased considerably.

If you work on your feet, and you are behind a counter, look for a step stool six or seven inches high and alternate putting your feet up, one leg at a time. If you are sitting, place a box, a foot stool or a chair where you can put up your feet for as long as possible. Your circulation will benefit from that.

Use a pregnancy support girdle to give your back more support during those hours you spend standing or sitting at the office. Your muscles are now more relaxed because of your hormones and some extra help will do you good.

Practice appropriate exercises during your pregnancy outside office hours. Exercise, as long as your doctor doesn’t say otherwise, will reduce your discomfort and will give you more physical resistance for the hours you have to spend doing your job.

Stay well hydrated. Drink a lot of water; even if you have to go to the bathroom often (those walks will do you good). And don’t forget to follow a well-balanced diet and rest as much as you can at home.

Talk to your doctor about any discomfort you experience that worries you. Don’t rule it out as “normal” during pregnancy, because it might be indicative of some other condition.

Recovery in the first weeks

img — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 11:49:17 -0500

Giving birth involves a great physical and emotional strain, especially if you are a first-time mom. Besides facing changes your body has never experienced before, having your baby in your arms is a responsibility that may cause a lot of anxiety. Due to all of this, preparing yourself for those weeks of adjustment will help you transition into motherhood much more easily.

The quarantine tradition

The importance of recovery from labor for a mother is something the women of previous generations knew very well. For this reason you may have heard about the quarantine tradition in which a mother spent about six weeks after labor dedicated completely to the baby while other family members took care of the household chores, cooking and taking care of the children or the rest of the family. Thought this period, the mother had time to recover physically, breast feed and bond with the newborn.

The fast pace of modern life might make it difficult to devote six weeks exclusively to your baby while others keep house for you. Nevertheless, any period of rest time will help you to recover physically and will enable you to breastfeed your baby successfully. If you had a C-section, you might need a longer recovery period, since it is a surgical procedure.

How to prepare for recovery

There are several things you can do beforehand to make sure you get as much rest as possible in the days following labor. Some are:

Ask a family member to come stay with you during the first days after giving birth to help you with the household chores and with the baby. In our culture it’s normally the mother or the mother-in-law who comes to help.

If there is no family member who can come to help during this time, there are some organizations which might be able to help you. Doulas are women who provide you with emotional support during labor and can also help at home a few hours so that you can get some hours of rest at home. You can find these organizations on-line. One of the most popular is Doulas America.

Prepare some meals ahead of time so that you don’t have to cook during these days. Simply by cooking extra servings in the last weeks of your pregnancy, and freezing them, you will be able to have some meals ready to defrost, to avoid having to cook. You can even use paper plates and cups at this time to make cleaning up faster.

Once your baby is born

It’s common for new moms to feel overwhelmed by all the things they have to do these first days, the novelty of having to take care of a baby and the obvious exhaustion felt after labor. It’s important that you don’t become exasperated because little by little everything will fall into place. When your baby settles into an eating and sleeping schedule you’ll see how everything starts to work out again.

Make a list of the essential things you have to do every day and forget the rest. You may really have to do the laundry but ironing or cleaning the bathroom could wait. Besides, try to get the most hours of sleep you can because exhaustion will make you feel even more overwhelmed.

If you feel overwhelmed, depressed and on the verge of tears or have strange thoughts or feelings towards your baby, talk to your doctor because you might be suffering from postpartum depression. Postpartum depression is common due to the hormonal changes you are going through and it can be controlled effectively with the appropriate medication.

Post-partum depression

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Do you feel like crying for no reason? Are you sad when you feel you should be the happiest woman in the planet after having a baby? These feelings are normal. They are feelings of melancholy or sadness that overwhelm the mom after having a baby. However, if this sadness continues or gets worse, you should check with your doctor immediately. Postpartum depression is very frequent and the good news is that most women respond well to treatment.

Baby-blues or post-partum depression?

Postpartum depression is an increasingly wide-spread disorder, sometimes due to its tragic consequences for the mothers or the babies of mothers who haven’t been diagnosed or treated. Post-partum depression is more than just the sadness or melancholy that many mothers feel after living birth. It is an illness, just like depression, over which you have no control (just as you can’t control your pancreas if you have diabetes) and that requires treatment.

But, how can you know if you have post-partum depression? Following are a series of questions that will help you determine whether you may have this disorder. Mark the response that describes how you have been feeling in the last seven days, and add up the points in parenthesis at the end of each response.

1. I have been able to laugh and see the lighter side of things …
    a) As much as usual (0)
    b) Not as much as usual (1)
    c) Definitely not as much as usual (2)
    d) Not at all (3)

2. I look to the future with anticipation.
    a) As much as usual (0)
    b) Less than before (1)
    c) Definitely less than before (2)
    d) Hardly ever (3)

3. I blame myself unnecessarily when things go wrong.
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) Not very frequently (1)
    d) No, never (0)

4. I have felt anxious or worried for no apparent reason.
    a) Not at all (0)
    b) Hardly ever (1)
    c) Yes, sometimes (2)
    d) Yes, often (3)

5. I have felt fearful or panicky for no apparent reason.
    a) Yes, a lot (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) No, not a lot (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

6. I feel overwhelmed.
    a) Yes, most of the time I feel I cannot deal with most things (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes I feel I don’t deal with things as well as I used to (2)
    c) No, most times I manage quite well (1)
    d) No, I can’t manage as well as I used to (0)

7. I have felt so sad that I’ve had trouble sleeping.
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, sometimes (2)
    c) No, not very frequently (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

8. I have felt sad or miserable
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, frequently (2)
    c) Not too often (1)
    d) Not at all (0)

9. I have felt so sad that I’ve cried.
    a) Yes, most of the time (3)
    b) Yes, quite frequently (2)
    c) Only occasionally (1)
    d) No, never (0)

10. It has crossed my mind to hurt myself.
    a) Yes, very frequently (3)
    b) Sometimes (2)
    c) Hardly ever (1)
    d) Never (0)

If you score 12 or more, you may be suffering from post-partum depression and you should contact your doctor as soon as possible.

Source: Edinburgh Postnatal Depression Scale (EPDS).

Treatment

The first step to get treatment is to ask for help. Speak honestly with your husband, with your family or with your doctor about how you feel and ask for help. There are treatments available that will help you feel better in a short time.

The most common treatment for post-partum depression is a combination of medication and therapy, just like with regular depression, and the response is usually quite fast and good. Many moms who have experienced post-partum depression have been able to enjoy their babies again, as well as motherhood.

Remember that postpartum depression is not something you can control and it’s not about “snapping out of it” or “smiling and being happy”, like some people may tell you. Post-partum depression is an illness that requires treatment, just like any other illness.

Asking for help

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Throughout the latest generations, community and family life has changed a lot. It is common to be far away from our family members and to not even know who our neighbors are. Individualism and the capacity to solve our own problems are highly valued nowadays. However, there are moments when receiving help from others is more than a blessing: it is vital for of survival.

When to ask for help.

You should know your limits and how it affects the people around you (especially children) that you have reached the end of your rope. We are often worn out and we don’t have the network of family and friends who can support us. Problems that used to be solved as a group now fall on the shoulders of one or two people.

Common examples of these situations are when an elderly member of the family requires special care. In our culture, it is expected that the younger generations take care of the elders. But usually the families who have to take care of the elders are raising small children and have long work days, and then difficult situations may arise.

Other problems may arise when a family member falls ill and needs help. If there is a financial problem that the family can’t solve by itself, or when a mother has a baby and there is no-one else to give a hand.

How to ask for help

Keep in mind that even if you don’t have the help of your family and you don’t know other people in your community, there is help available. In order to get help, the first step – as obvious as it may seem – is to know that you need it and ask for it. Once you’ve got started on this path, you’ll be surprised at all the doors that may open for you.

Besides talking to the people you trust the most, to let them know you need help, try something as simple, but effective, as mailing a personal note to your neighbors or letting them know in person. If your problem is that you can’t leave an elderly person alone in the morning or in the evening, explain this to them and ask them to contact you.

If you can’t find help nearby or if your problem cannot be solved with the help of other people, use the Internet. Enter your question in the search engine, either in Spanish or in English for more results, and you will surely find some information that will be of help. Do not forget more traditional methods such as checking the yellow pages, calling the town hall, speaking with people in your church or the people in your area.

In this Information Era, someone somehow will give you that help that you need or will point you in the right direction to achieve it. The first step is to ask for it.

Find your own parenting style

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During the months that your baby is in your belly, you and your partner may have dreamt of the type of family you wanted to be: it is the natural process of parenting. You may have wanted to raise your kids just like you were raised, or perhaps there were certain experiences of your childhood that you just don’t want to repeat with your own kids. Finding your parenting style is important so that both you and your child or children can enjoy the family experience.

Your own education and your kids´ education

Some couples feel that their own parents did such a great job raising them that they don’t know if they will be capable of doing the same with their own kids. But this attitude is usually the exception to the rule, because most of us want to do a better job than our parents did. Modern theories on educating children from early on are very different to the parenting style that was common in our parents´ generation.

When choosing your own parenting style, try not to react to your own parent’s style by going to the other extreme if you don’t like how you were raised. Some parents lived in a very strict household and they don’t want their kids to go through that, so they go to the other end of the spectrum when it comes to discipline.

Extremely strict discipline is by no means a good thing, but a lack of boundaries is just as bad. The best is to choose the good points of your own education, and apply them to your kids´ rearing.

Communicate with your spouse

Just as important as knowing what parenting style you want to implement, is that you and your partner are both on the same page. Your kids´ education will be much more effective if they see that mom and dad agree, than if they think they can go to one or the other depending on what they want.

Differences in parenting styles are a common cause of conflict in couples. It is common to distribute roles in which one of the parents is the “bad” one or the “strict” one, and the other is the “good” one or the “lenient” one. This creates confusion and insecurity in the kids because these boundaries are not well-defined.

Some of the parenting issues you should discuss with your partner are:

Discipline. Discuss the important rules in your home, such as curfews, times for meals, chores and homework, to name a few.

What to do when the rules are not followed. Establish the kind of punishment you will use at home in these cases and how to adapt it to the type of infraction. You can’t compare the child not wanting to eat his veggies with coming home late or hitting a sibling.

Responsibilities. As your kids grow up, they can be responsible for some of the house chores. Establish which they will be and above all, teach them how to do the chores.

Family time. How you are going to make time to spend together as a family and what activities you will enjoy together.

Whether your parenting style is more disciplined or more relaxed, remember that your ultimate objective is to teach your child to be a self-sufficient and independent adult.